Since I have time and it's almost fresh in my mind, I'll tell you about my conversation with my dad yesterday.
Well, in a nutshell, I made him promise to get better better. Not temporarily better. He said "Oh, I am! Don't you worry! I'm getting better!"
But I've heard that tone before. It's fake. I don't beleive him, I really don't. He uses that fake enthusiasm to make people beleive him. Next time I talk to him, I'm going to let him know what I feel. Everything. He said everything's his fault, it is. I'm going to tell him that I don't trust him, I don't beleive him, and he may never, EVER gain that trust back. It doesn't mean I don't loe him, and it doesn't mean that I'm angry at him. Yes, I AM angry at him, but that's my problem. At this aprticular time I can only think he's trying to change to get back to us. He should be changing for him first, us second.
You know, I'm just sick of him changing for a little bit, then when we think he's better, he goes right back to treating us like piles of shit. It's made me think about who I can trust, and how tolerant of people I really am.
And this makes me so upset that if I eat alot, alot as in, almost nearly satisfied, I get sick.
3 comments:
Trust, that is an interesting thing.
Takes so long to build- sometime though, it comes naturally- like a child and a parent.
once trust is broken, it is terribly hard to rebuild. I think that the natural trust is the hardest to reconstruct, simply because it should have never ever been broken in the first place.
I'm praying for you and your dad. I think that's all I can do over this distance, but don't forget how powerful prayer is, and how many people are praying for you and your dad. "Pray continually".
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