I"m getting confused now...

I had a dream about my dad a few nights ago. My mom siad he could come visit us, and he drove down here (It's like...4 hours away) and he gets out of the truck, right? Mom's talking on the phone in the hallway, Trev's on the 360, and I'm standing in the kitchen. My dad opens the door and walks 3 steps in. He waits, and I wait for him to say something. He hung his head and walked out and drove away. I started crying in my dream.

It was so weird...I felt so sorry for him. Maybe it's because I finally said in a letter how I felt about him. I mean...I'd never send it NOW. But I wanted to. Here it is::



Dad.
I don't know where to start. So I'll just start typing and hope you read it all.
I'm going to make it very clear, so you won't lie about anything. I'm also keeping a copy of this on my computer and putting another on the fridge. So now you can't lie about it.
And yes, that's what I think you are. A liar.
We're fine here. Better than we were when you were here. Why is that? Becasue you're not::
1. Screaming at us for stupid things.2. Making us afraid to have friends over because you were drunk or acting ridiculous.3. Blaming mom for everthing. She was the one person who loved you more than Grandma Anette. I don't know how though. And you ruined it. You ruined HER.
How DARE you? How DARE you make us think we were shit? How DARE you make mom go through all of that for you? HOW DARE YOU? Who do you think you are? And after ALL OF THAT, you're trying to worm your way BACK into our lives by telling lies about her! using Trevor, your OWN SON to do that! HOW DARE YOU!
I was afraid to make friends. and you told me I was incapable. I was socially inept, annoying, awful, stupid. That people didn' tlike me, there was something wrong with me. Unable to make friends. Guess what? I CAN make friends. I do make friends, I just didn't tell YOU.
And I hated what you did. All we did was ask you to stop being an ass. You can't even do that now, can you? We tried to reason with you, and you got so low by calling us bad people, bad Christians. You acted like a psychopath, and I hated you. I don't even know if I've stopped! And what do you care? You don't! All you want to do is get your grubby fingers back into mom's life so you can start controlling her again! If you REALLY loved us like you say you do, you'd leave us alone. Quit telling me you love me. I'm not falling for it. You NEVER loved me. If you did, I don't remember it. Only now, when you want something, do you tell me you love me. Only when you want me on your side, only when you want me to convince mom to get back to you, do you tell me you love me. I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR BULLSHIT ANYMORE!
And guess what? MOM HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME. I've observed EVERYTHING because I'm not stupid, like you told me several times. Mom's even alseep as I write this! She doesn't even know I'm gonna send this to you!
And she told me before you started lying about what trevor said that she was thinking about calling and talking to you. Guess what? YOU RUINED THAT. Like you ruined everthing else.
And how DARE you not get the help you needed? What is wrong with you? ( like you've asked me thousands of times everytime I made a small mistake) Are you so arrogant that you think you don't need medical help? or maybe you thought it would make you look strong and tough, and make us respect you? Guess what? I haven't respected you for a long time. Becasue you never did what needed to be done, and did things that were absoloutly unneccesary.
You hurt me. Over and over and over again. For years. Every day. I nearly KILLED myself when I was 14!!!!!! And when I told you, you clapped your hands and said 'alright!" like we just said our team cheer after deciding on a gameplan at football! WHAT THE HELL?! Are you stupid? (Like you've asked me MILLIONS of times before) Your only daughter--granted you're not my REAL father and never acted like it--tried to die and you acted almost joyful.
I DON'T want to talk to you. Don't call me. Don't tell Trevor to tell me you love me. Send me a letter if you want to tell me anything. I will not talk to you on the phone. Dont you DARE even try and use Trevor as a proxy. Or Grandma. I will either not respond or hang up.
How DARE you.

Kayla.