Summer camp Experiance

Lord, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death,
I'm not scared cuz you're holding my breath
I only fear that I don't have enough time left
To tell the world that there's no time left

~~Group 1 Crew~~

> That pic is my friend Jake, Brian, and rachel.

We get there (After like 8 hours...long boring hours of driving...might've been more.) and we get off of the bus (after thinking we were going to die from the huge hill we have to speed down, lol) and the workers squirt us with stuff. I get hit in th eye, hahaha.

We get this orientation thing and unload.

Okay, lemme say something first before I get into anything else. The EDGE people are CRAZY! Thank God is was a good kind of crazy. The only thing I didn't like was they were moshing during worship songs. What if someone had gotten hurt? I mean...maybe that's how they worship, but it made me so upset the first night that I went and sat in the very back. Some guy had, while I was in the middle, a little off to the side walked up, started elbowing me (he had plenty of rom, lol) and I playfully bumped him with my hip. a few seconds later he screamed...like SCREAMED in my face..1 inch away...which disturbed me. Then the moshing began. I went to the back, lol.

But all in all, it was good :D

This is a picture of the drummer of Fireflight and I.

:D I had fun, lol.

On Friday...the first day of RECREATION. The first day on sore muscles for me. I had been riding my bike to/from work (not and though) for 2 weeks and I thought I was going to relax. Nope. lol.





SO.





Breakfast, quiet time, then morning worship. I had never really done quiet time. I flipped through my Bible and then got ready for worship. I excpected to sit in the back again then do rec, which I thought was us walking around doing random activities.





Worship was good. Not anything unusual for me spiritually. I sang, clapped, but that was it.








But after that, they divided us into groups. We all had funny names, like Shavin' my back hair so I can get a date(my favorite, lol) and there was Not ridin' Dirty cuz I love jesus (or something) and mine was True Love Waits.





*snore*





BUT...I managed to come up with a cheer...nobody could figure one out until I said "How about...Cross Your Legs for Jesus Cuz True Love waits?"





it became a popular cheer, lol.





We did rec, and we got NASTY. There was this hill, right? Well..it was covered with a tarp, and there was stinky, nasty water running down it. It smelled like POO. Nasty smell. But we, the whole team, had to climb UP the hill with the tarp, water running down it, and we couldn't touch the sides. and there's the guy who is supervising with a big 'ol hose with the nasty poo water coming out of it spraying us. So we just kind of used our bodies as a lift, giving each other a boost. It was SO funny, because the other team was ripped. Like...RIPPED. Muscles bulging, tank top wearing ripped guys. AND WE WON! We got up first, ran the course first, and when we were done, they had just gotten up. So we all went back and cheered them on.





I really didn't want to do the tarp thing, because, like most of my friends and family know, I HATE being touched (I'm working on that, more details later) But I did that to help my teammates.





So, after that, we were done (we had more activities but that was the last one.) and it was past lunchtime, so everyone but me went to go eat lunch. I showered and got dressed and went to...DUN DUN DUN.... WOW Idol practice.





Okay, so, WOW Idol was like american idol but without the voting and competition. so...really it was jsut a bunch of kids getting up and doing their own thing. We had singers, an Ask Ninja guy (no joke Stephen! XD) and some skits. And a band from our church did a song they wrote, and it was great. I did a song too, I was the second act, and, well, apparently everyone liked it because I was getting compliments on the last day about it.





After that was free time. 4 HOURS of doing whatever you wanted. I had like 60-something dollars in my wallet. I planned on going to the Snack shack and getting a snack. I go to our dorm and go to my bunk and into my bag. I look around in my bag for my wallet...nothing. before panicking, I look in my suitcase. I might've thrown it in there the night beofre after getting back. It's not there. So I quietly start asking around to see if anyone's seen it. Nobody. I went outside with my notebook and started writing about my day. My youth leader (God Bless him, lol) asked what I was doing, if anytihng was wrong, how my day was going...lol because the ski trip didn't go so well in the beginning...but I was having an amazing day, in spite of the wallet thing, lol. I told him this, and he was releived and said to find our driver and to look for my wallet on the bus. (I did on Sunday and found it.) But I continued writing about my day (I had actually found $15 in my shorts that I had worn the day before...God provides!) and then went and took a nap. At 6 was dinner, then worship again.

We were urged to come out of our comfort zones and worship like never before. I was like "ehhh....." and just did te same thing I always did. Clap hands and sing along. If I ever felt compelled to lift my hands, I squelched it with thoughts that people would laugh at me...I gave in to the whisperings of Satan.

But Saturday...was a turning point for me...

We were prepared this time. (At this point in my blog, I'll turn off my music because it diverts my attention away from what I'm typing. I get pre-occupied with anything louder than what I'm doing.)


Saturday night, actually...At lunch, we were told to go to the party Barn instead of the Worship center. So we all grab our Bibles (I'm getting emotional just knowing I'm getting to share this with ya'll.) and we were told to find a seat on the floor. Ground. Floor ground...dirty dirty cement, lol. Jason, the leader of the EDGE kids, said that we had to prepare ourselves, to read the Bible, pray, sit silently, whatever...for what was about to come. At this point in time I was terrified. almost blinding panic, I had no clue why, I just knew that something was going to happen that I didn't like (the feeling returns to me as I type.) and I was right.

"No music will be playing, the band won't even be onstage. But you're all going to walk in there, not making a sound, no talking, nothing, and when you walk into those doors, you will see leaders praying and reading the Bible. But you will worship how YOU want to. You won't be told what to do, there won't be ANY music, you can worship God how you want."

Almost blinding panic was returned with horror and complete and absoloute fear. How was I supposed to worship if I didn't even know how I worshipped?! The fear made me weak in the stomach and body. I bowed my head...and turned to Psalms. I read about how people danced for God, sang for God, just praised Him, and wondered why I couldn't do that. I prayed for God to give me the courage to worship him.

Worship is an odd thing. it's a response to what we value most (Who said that again?) and it made me think--do I value God enough to worship Him? Do I love Him enough to let Him know that I am so grateful for everything He gave me?

People are so unashamed to worship other people--Fanclubs, Street Teams, websites, fansites, fanfiction...why is it so much easier to worship someone who doesn't care than the One who cares enough to let His Sone die for us? Why is it so much easier for me to worship music than my Creator, who gave us a way to be with Him through Jesus?

Back to the point though, which was this::
We walk to the Worship center (I didn't know Oklahoma had tarantulas!!! There was a HUGE one on the outside of the Center) and we go inside as a group...my terror was constant. I was still terrified but after praying the horror went away, lol. And I meant horror as in shock, not fear. But I was still afraid. Why? I don't really know. Maybe it was because I thought that people would see me worship and think I was a freak. So in my fear, I lied down, metaphorically. Instead of being brave, I played dead. I sat down and began to read my Bible.

Don't get me wrong, reading your Bible is a form of worship, but I know tht's not how I worship. I began to get angry at myself for playing the safe card. If I read my Bible, nobody would disturb me, and maybe I'd fool myself into thinking that I was worshipping.


Nooooooooope.


There are a ton of things that make me angry in my life. The fact that I let people get to me so bad that I can't--don't--let anyone close anymore. The fact that my mom fooled herself into thinking that it would be best for my brother and I to stay with my dad. The fact that my dad fooled himself into thinking he had a right to be the way he was. The fact that I couldn't--WOULDN'T!-- forgive myself and others for all of this.

I realized this and broke down. I cried...tears of surrender. It felt good to let go...but painful to admit. I started praying like crazy--tears flowing down my face-- about my anger. I knew that with all of this extra baggage I was carrying it would hinder my relationship with God. It WAS hindering my relationship with God! I just let it go right now...I hated to do it, but afterwards I admitted that I was an angry person to my group. angry, depressed, scared, but mostly scared, because the thought of worshippig my Lord and Savior terrified me. People terrified me. I came clean with that. I told my group...just my church, mind you...that before that night I had so much freakin' baggage it wasn't funny...that I hated to be touched, and I hated to get close to people simply because I was angry and afraid...angry at other people, which kept me from making new relationships, and scared that the new person would hurt me.

I then informed my group that I wanted them to help me break out of this shell by giving me a hug when--

I didn't finish the sentance. 2 guys, Josh and Kelsey's dad, jumped up (more like flew, lol) and gave me hugs. I screamed before, of course (hahaha) but was like "WARN ME FIRST! WARN ME FIRST!!!"

But that's a revelation for me. The relevation for the group was that 21 people got saved, and all of the visitors from my group got saved--including my friend Joelle, whom I adore. we had made friends the night before she was saved. I thought she was already saved, so I didn't even ask her.

Sunday, Fireflight came.

after Saturday, no other day this week could ever top that. I'm sorry. End of blog!!!!