EVIL (A Chorus of resistance)

Everyone down on the floor
No sudden moves and lock the door
I've got this feeling I'm chasing
I'll never rest until I find it
See, I've been plotting away
In my heart every day
To put this plan into action
And though I try to resist
I find the thing is this
Until I get it there's no satisfaction

Chorus
I want something you have
I want it oh so bad
Don’t move, hand it over
I won’t stop til it’s in my hands

Verse 2
Deep in the recess of every man is
a thief, a robber, a criminal
Below the surface of every hero
is an envy, a restless evil
And though I try to resist
I find the thing is this:
Until I get it there’s no satisfaction

(Chorus)

Chorus 2
I want something you have
You must meet my demands
Don’t move, hand it over
I won’t stop til it’s in my hands
Evil,
evil,
evil,
evil

(Chorus)

Something you have
Something you have
Something you have
In my hands

I'M LEAVING FOR.....

A month. roughly.
But there won't be any myspace, blogs, IM's, Facebook, or anything unless my friend will let me borrow hers, lol. Or I go to the library.
I know that a few of ya'll know about my situation at home. My parents are divorcing after years of my dad emotionally and verbally abusing my mom, my brother and I. They were married for 15 years, and finally, it's ending. I know that there will be alot of crap coming up, but just pray for us, think about us, whatever. I'm not so sure anymore.
But we're moving in to my mom's friend's house. He doesn't have internet (or food, furniture or anything fun..) So we've moved most of OUR stuff there, and the computer goes tomorrow, I think. Maybe later.
But I just want ya'll to know that I love ya'll, each one of ya'll, and I posted this same message on other board but that does NOT deter the feelings!
~~Kayla~~

So I met this guy...

I only have like 5 minutes to write this, lol.

But I met this guy, and he lives in Dallas. 5 hours away, which make sme sad. But he makes me wanna be a better person. When we talk, I laugh. He ALWAYS makes me feel better. Unless we disagree.

But he's so sweet to me. He stayed up until 2 am when he had to work the next day at 8:30 because I had to alert my family in case my dad drove up. He let me talk if I needed to. And in return, I let him talk when he broke up with his girlfriend.

But last night we stayed up until 4:30 am talking to each other about our problems. Last night he was so angry after his breakup. all of the people he thought were his friends didn't care about it, only a few people, including me, were genuinely concerned. I kept asking if he was okay. He thanked me for caring, lol.

But they broke up because he was talking to me, and he has never met me, and she didn't think I was important, that my friendship wasn't meaningful simply becasue I didn't live in Dallas. He argued. He said she just wanted to sit on the phone and talk about absoloutly nothing. He said he'd take being there for me when I needed it over talking about random meaningless crap any day. She didn't like that, and they broke up. He said he didn't even like her more than a friend, that they were just dating for fun. he says he's done with that, lol. He wants a relationship, not just dating. Because he wants kids, and she said she doesn't want to get married and have kids. He wants that, he made it clear he did. she made it clear she didn't.

I was a little upset when I heard that he used to have a girlfriend because I have a crush on him. But I never asked, and we weren't going out, we weren't dating. so I saw past that and realized we were jsut friends and I couldn't start acting like he was "mine" becasue he's not. He's my friend, but that's it.

But I gotta go. Work. :D I think I'll call him later on my break.

I"m getting confused now...

I had a dream about my dad a few nights ago. My mom siad he could come visit us, and he drove down here (It's like...4 hours away) and he gets out of the truck, right? Mom's talking on the phone in the hallway, Trev's on the 360, and I'm standing in the kitchen. My dad opens the door and walks 3 steps in. He waits, and I wait for him to say something. He hung his head and walked out and drove away. I started crying in my dream.

It was so weird...I felt so sorry for him. Maybe it's because I finally said in a letter how I felt about him. I mean...I'd never send it NOW. But I wanted to. Here it is::



Dad.
I don't know where to start. So I'll just start typing and hope you read it all.
I'm going to make it very clear, so you won't lie about anything. I'm also keeping a copy of this on my computer and putting another on the fridge. So now you can't lie about it.
And yes, that's what I think you are. A liar.
We're fine here. Better than we were when you were here. Why is that? Becasue you're not::
1. Screaming at us for stupid things.2. Making us afraid to have friends over because you were drunk or acting ridiculous.3. Blaming mom for everthing. She was the one person who loved you more than Grandma Anette. I don't know how though. And you ruined it. You ruined HER.
How DARE you? How DARE you make us think we were shit? How DARE you make mom go through all of that for you? HOW DARE YOU? Who do you think you are? And after ALL OF THAT, you're trying to worm your way BACK into our lives by telling lies about her! using Trevor, your OWN SON to do that! HOW DARE YOU!
I was afraid to make friends. and you told me I was incapable. I was socially inept, annoying, awful, stupid. That people didn' tlike me, there was something wrong with me. Unable to make friends. Guess what? I CAN make friends. I do make friends, I just didn't tell YOU.
And I hated what you did. All we did was ask you to stop being an ass. You can't even do that now, can you? We tried to reason with you, and you got so low by calling us bad people, bad Christians. You acted like a psychopath, and I hated you. I don't even know if I've stopped! And what do you care? You don't! All you want to do is get your grubby fingers back into mom's life so you can start controlling her again! If you REALLY loved us like you say you do, you'd leave us alone. Quit telling me you love me. I'm not falling for it. You NEVER loved me. If you did, I don't remember it. Only now, when you want something, do you tell me you love me. Only when you want me on your side, only when you want me to convince mom to get back to you, do you tell me you love me. I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR BULLSHIT ANYMORE!
And guess what? MOM HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME. I've observed EVERYTHING because I'm not stupid, like you told me several times. Mom's even alseep as I write this! She doesn't even know I'm gonna send this to you!
And she told me before you started lying about what trevor said that she was thinking about calling and talking to you. Guess what? YOU RUINED THAT. Like you ruined everthing else.
And how DARE you not get the help you needed? What is wrong with you? ( like you've asked me thousands of times everytime I made a small mistake) Are you so arrogant that you think you don't need medical help? or maybe you thought it would make you look strong and tough, and make us respect you? Guess what? I haven't respected you for a long time. Becasue you never did what needed to be done, and did things that were absoloutly unneccesary.
You hurt me. Over and over and over again. For years. Every day. I nearly KILLED myself when I was 14!!!!!! And when I told you, you clapped your hands and said 'alright!" like we just said our team cheer after deciding on a gameplan at football! WHAT THE HELL?! Are you stupid? (Like you've asked me MILLIONS of times before) Your only daughter--granted you're not my REAL father and never acted like it--tried to die and you acted almost joyful.
I DON'T want to talk to you. Don't call me. Don't tell Trevor to tell me you love me. Send me a letter if you want to tell me anything. I will not talk to you on the phone. Dont you DARE even try and use Trevor as a proxy. Or Grandma. I will either not respond or hang up.
How DARE you.

Kayla.